Big.

Sitting cross-legged on my big red couch, in my new home, at the beginning of this new year. Big breath in, big breath out. Big glass of wine, big full heart, big baggy pants and t-shirt, smile. If home is where the heart is, the biggest hunk of mine is here, and so here would be home. Besides endlessly studying for the GRE, I have been living well ever since work was over. I was working for the Arabic Flagship Program all summer. I love the women I worked with, the students (most, my friends), the faculty, etc. It made for a busy, but pleasant summer. But, now I can do fun summer things for a couple of days, which for me includes building some things, drinking wine, bike rides, sitting in book stores reading entire books, dancing until I look like I just went swimming, and enjoying some alone time. You can use alone time for all kinds of things, but usually I spend it compartmentalizing my other experiences, singing aloud to Paul Baribeau songs, or writing things down, or letters. If you ever want a letter, you should send me your address; I write often.
I will leave you with a bit of wisdom from P. Baribeau. His song, "Ten Things," is always a good tool for curing many of the more unlikable circumstances in life.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y1W81WkpUnY&feature=related

four wheels + feet = supaaaa speed!

I want nothing more than to roller skate today! So, roller skate I will. Pace and I began my cedar porch table project yesterday...it took a while to understand my new saw, but we figured it out. I want to work on it all the time, but it is hard to hold and cut wood alone, not to mention it is a trillion degrees outside and there is something about being covered in saw dust that doesn't make the heat more fun.

Pace and I also made delicious buckwheat pecan banana pancakes this morning and I drank a HUGE class of iced coffee that has my body tweaking out. Now, I am waiting for Karl to come over! KARL!!!!! I missed him. He has been traveling all summer, and I am so happy to have him home. More bike riding and gourmet meal cooking! AH HA!

Additionally, work for the Arabic Flagship Program is basically finished for the summer. My boss, and favorite person I work with, Chelsea, is moving on to a job at Maryland U. and I am pretty sad about it. I know that her new job will better complement her skills, as she is one of the most capable women I have ever met, but we will miss her greatly.

Also, I am getting antsy to dance! I think TuesGAYS and Barbarella has my name all over it this week. You can bet your bottom dollar I will be cutting a rug and sweating copious amounts, but I think this is the only way to do it right. But, Ashley A. will be out of town...I hope I can still have fun without her :(

Alright time to lean forward into the day.

"Leaning out as far as she can, hoping she'll fall soon, so she can stop worrying about whether it will happen or not." -Brian Andreas

dirty hands.

My hands are dirty from the last few days. Pumpkin spice cupcake making, basil planting, bike ride sweat and grease from a popped tire and a failed attempt to put on my new rack. Last night I had a glass of wine and listened to some mood tunes to slow my pulse and calm my nerves. The reason I have been keeping so busy is to put off unpacking anymore. Not that I do not really have an infinite amount of things to do, but last night, I uncovered notes from a deceased lover as I was trying to find new places for everything to go. It is like I am scared of my own stuff. Maybe that means I should get rid of a good amount of my "stuff," again.

Purging things is a relatively easy process for me when it comes to clothes, shoes, paints, food, tools, bags, trinkets, but when it comes to sentimental items like notes, gifts, books...I can't let go of them. If you have given me a book, a note, a painting or even a string in the last few years... I have it. The little "i love yous," come most honestly and simply in the form of hand painted and glittered pine cones, notes left in bike spokes, and hand-knitted leg warmers. Not that words are not beautiful magical things as well, but as cruel as memory is... small physical bits of lovely memories are a vice of mine. Sometimes years later, it is difficult to remember how an "i love you" from a particular person felt/smelled/tasted, and even if you never forget, you can rest assured that if you do, you can pick up that bit of tile and remember what an "i love you" on a rooftop in Yemen feels like. Or finger a little pressed bluebonnet that she placed in your hair the day she told you she loved you on the side of a highway (right after you made her stop becasue you had to go soooooo baaaaaddd you couldn't wait for the next town) so you never have to forget.

I keep things, becasue when I am old and I open that box of things I've moved around with forever, I can examine them with my wrinkled fingers and feel the rush of love, disappointment, lust, pain, friendship, loneliness, humility, humanity or humiliation that made up my life..just in case the memories of my life really don't flash before my eyes the moment right before I die. Just in case.

moving.

Very few of the many fond memories I will have of HoC:

I much prefer the word "moving" to "leaving," because they have significantly different meanings. Leaving implies that there is a negative reason you are moving from your current location, while moving seems to mean that either you are moving for the sake of change or for the sake of something exciting in the distance. Because, there is really hardly anything I dislike about the House of Commons, or any of the beautiful people I met while I lived there, it is time to move forwards. Honestly, I am always moving. When I think about it, the last 4 years I have lived many places: Jester Dorm, Salado House, Duval House, Eden House, Yemen, House of Commons, and now East 51st (i.e. "the love shack"). I hate staying still, and I am excited to experience a new living situation (with four of my favorite people). It will also be a nice environment in which to write my thesis, build/plant a new garden, dance, and cook (for less than 30 people at a time). I must admit, I am excited to have dairy and egg products back in the house. Cheese please.

Now, all I have to do is kick a whole bunch of ass on the GRE in 3 weeks, and all will be well. Not to mention, my last year of school begins on the 25th. Who am I kidding, if I get into grad. school, I'll be in school forever.

Also, I'm missing the Middle East a lot today. Especially, Yemen and Syria. I miss being constantly surprised and amazed, and also never wanting to sleep, but not because there was too much work, but because there was too much living to do, too much to see.

Ahhh, the suq.

Qat trees.

From Maxime's window in Damascus.

Evening coffee, nuts, sweets, and smokes at the garden cafe.

Ya salaam, kan gameel...

the last year. pictoral catch-up.

So, I have been keeping track of life in print lately (pencil and paper style). But, I will attempt to catch you up a tiny bit before I just move forward. I have been busy. And, as they say, a picture is worth a thousand words...so here we go.

I visited Syria, Jordan, and the West Bank/ Jerusalem. Here I am at the Dome of the Rock.

"One day I will put a piece of this wall on the shelf in my living room" at the Separation Wall, Bethlehem.

I played poker, and won all da (fake) moneyzz.

Cuddled in the sunshine with Sheevs.

Rode bikes around town in costumes.

Chilled with Ali Abunimah...err, organized a lecture (or 5)?

Went on field trips to visit mega churches and shrines with the RS Club.

Cooked a dinner for more than 30 people that was: vegan, tasty, and ball-shaped (yes, the whole meal, so, suck it)

Went to NY to visit Columbia, but mostly to get lost and have fun with Amelia. Oh, and to EAT.

Lived with, and fell in love with, all of these people at HoC.

Shaked the booty.

Got sunburned at some protests.

Built a wall in the middle of campus. <3 PSC

Got rowdy. <3 HoC

Was a nanny for some adorable children.

These aren't all of the things I did, or even all of the important things I did. But, for now, we only move forwards.